I woke this morning thinking about all of the people, experiences, and choices that have helped to shape who I am and how I show up in the world, for better or worse.
By some standards, I live an average, ordinary life, while by others, I can enjoy things some could only envision. Our lives, like most things, are relative as it depends on the side from which you take in your perspective.
Repaying debt can be attained, although financial debt may take some time if you find yourself burdened in that way. Other obligations can be returned, such as favors, swapping of time, or errands.
There are the intangible debts, however, to which there may never be an ability to pay back.
Some fall on the positive side of life’s balance sheet when it is a debt of gratitude, yet for some, the expense column harbors the kind of entries that bring a wince to our face or a piercing to our hearts.
I’m not referring to the actual brick and mortar expenses of life, but rather the emotional experiences in which we learned something very significant at the expense of ourselves or others.
We can neglect our health and wellness in many areas, only to be stopped in our tracks by illness or a close call, which brings self-awareness and changes our course.
Similarly, we may live a siloed life working, grinding, existing with provision for self and others in mind, while it emptied our tank and did not place a drop of fuel into anyone else’s either.
Then there are the choices and emotional states of mind that we allowed to dictate our lives, steeping others in our flavor, be it bitter or sweet.
The fragrance of who we are on the daily lingers for a lifetime, yet often we move too swiftly to take note of what we leave behind in an energetic fog, as others breathe in our exhaust.
We may look back and learn, even find gratitude, for evolving through behaviors, patterns, lack of boundaries, and the courage to push through. The remnants and fallout of these life experiences may be debts we can never truly repay.
The only thing we can do is to reconcile.
Like two balances which are off, we identify the discrepancy and attempt to reconcile the numbers. Removing the error may make the sheets match, but the deduction remains somewhere.
The balance may be lower, or higher, depending on the frequency, quantity, or quality of the deposits or withdrawals made over time.
What we see is merely a representation, and the reconciliation must transcend that which is surface level.
Reconciliation must be offered in sincerity, and then accepted by our own selves: somehow filed away for us to be able to move forward regardless of how it was received.
It’s not an easy precept to digest or accept. It is, however, truth.
Balance your sheet as well as you can by offering up what you have in your “love account” to give, and close the books for today.